Depression has set in ...

Yesterday, Jon and I completed the 1st annual Roanoke Canal Half Marathon.  First, I'll say it's a beautiful course, and the trails would have been fantastic to run, had they not been muddy and slick as glass in places!  The ending result on my shoes is really NO indication of just how muddy it was. 

For extended distances in many places along the course, it was difficult to even walk, let alone run.  I'm not sure how I made it without falling down.  Clearly, this was not troublesome for some...  the winner of the race ran it in 1:14:17. 

Now, here's where my depression comes in.  I knew I was coming into this race with tired legs (from Umstead the weekend prior) and I still had a bit of fluid on the knee.  I was not expecting a PR, but one always wishes to do their best!  Along with the trail condition, this proved to be a difficult race...  mentally, from all the concentration required to not eat mud, and physically, from my looming leg/knee fatigue.  I had a very disappointing finishing time of 2:27:37....  my slowest half marathon time EVER.

I thought Jon would have had just as difficult a day, since we were pretty much in the same boat.  He said the muddy conditions did make it hard, but clearly not that hard because he busted out a PR!  (2:11:41)  What the hell?  If he could do it, why couldn't I?  Don't get me wrong.  I'm so happy for him and very proud of his accomplishment.  But it also makes me more disappointed in myself that I didn't do better.  Let the pity party begin .......

Here is my problem.  Perhaps it's more mental than physical.  My best half marathon time has been 2:12:22, and I ran this in late- 2008.  All of my half distances have been between 2:12 - 2:22, up until now.  Keeping them all within a 10 minute margin has been OK with me, but I feel like if I can run a 2:12 once, I should be able to run a 2:12 (or better) every time.  I know this is not the right mindset.  Every race is different, and the circumstances surrounding each race are different.  I shouldn't feel bad.  I mean, I did just run Umstead which was hard as hell.  But I still feel I should have done better...  though I can say, I gave it all I had yesterday and that was the result.  C'est la vie.

As my physical condition improves, why doesn't my race time?  I've made great improvement over the years on my 5k distance, and made a big improvement in marathon time between my 1st and 2nd marathons.  So what's up with this nagging half marathon distance???  I'm very annoyed with myself today, and I have a vendetta against the half marathon in general.  Not sure what my next half will be, but I have a score to settle.